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Money jokes Page: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 The best way of saving money is to forget who you borrowed it from. Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money. I shall be everlastingly in your debt. Harry: That's what I'm afraid of! Who dropped a wad of notes with an elastic band round them? I did! Well, here's the elastic band. A doctor had been attending a rich old man for some time, but it became apparent that the old chap had not long to live. Accordingly, the doctor advised his wealthy patient to put his affairs in order. "Oh yes, I've done that," said the old gentleman. "I've only got to make a will. And do you know what I'm going to do with all my money? I'm going to leave it to the doctor who saves my life." Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy? No! Tell me about it. It smells of $50 dollar bills. At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars. One of the chamber members stood up and said, "I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army." Elmore walked into his favorite truck stop cafe and said to the owner, "Hey, Roy, you wanna take a chance on a raffle?" "Whada ya win?" "A million dollars!" said the redneck. "You get a dollar a year for a million years." "How much are they each?" "Ten cents. Two for a quarter. Or three for half a dollar!" A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express." Three boys were walking along the beach one day when they see a cave. The first boy goes in and is looking at a banknote on a big rock when a ghostly voice calls out ' I am the ghost of Auntie Abel and this five dollars stays on the table!' The second boy goes in and is reaching for the money when the same thing happens again. The third boy goes in ,sees the five dollars and cries out,'I am the ghost of David Crockett and this five dollars goes in my pocket! An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they'd do if they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper. 'Alec!' yelled the teacher, 'you've done nothing. Why?' 'Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do! |
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