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Doctor and nurse jokes Page: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bridge What's come over you? Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach. Doctor, Doctor I think I'm an electric eel That's shocking! Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a python You can't get round me just like that you know! The Doctor was puzzled "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, Mahoney. I think it must be drink. " "Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley, I'll come back when you're sober." Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Give me the bad news first. Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them. Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news? Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers. A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly." Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points? Doctor: Sell! A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor. "You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman. "What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific." The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried. The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger." Dentist: $100.00. Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work? Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you like. Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow. Doctor: How do you feel? Patient: A little down in the mouth. A baseball manager who had an ulcer was in his physician office for a checkup. "Remember," the doctor said, "don't get excited, don't get mad, and forget about baseball when you're off the field." Then he added, "By the way, how come you let the pitcher bat yesterday with the tying run on second and two men out in the ninth?" Doctor: Tell him I can't see him now. Next. |
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