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Computer jokes Page: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord. Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up? Because DEC 25 = OCT 31 How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day? Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat." A system programmer came home from work almost at dawn and told his wife enthusiastically: "Tonight I have installed a new release of MVS/ESA together with VM/CMS and CICS/VS". "G.O.O.D" answered his wife. Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting "F1 F1" and nobody understood it. The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air. The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover: "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health!" The boy replies back: "Darling, I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors." Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis? Because it is below C level. They say that the new super computer knows everything. A skeptical man came and asked the computer, "Where is my father?" The computer bleeped for a short while, and then came back with "Your father is fishing in Michigan." The skeptical man said triumphantly, "You see? I knew this was nonsense. My father has been dead for twenty years." "No", replied the super computer immediately. "Your mother's husband has been dead for twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound trout." The programmer to his son: "Here, I brought you a new basketball." "Thank you, daddy, but where is the user's guide?" The problem with physicists is that they tend to cheat in order to get results. The problem with mathematicians is that they tend to work on toy problems in order to get results. The problem with program verifiers is that they tend to cheat at toy problems in order to get results. |
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