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Baby jokes

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What did the mummy snake say to the crying baby snake?

Stop crying and viper your nose.


What do baby pythons play with?

Rattle-snakes.


What would you get if you crossed a new-born snake with a basketball?

A bouncing baby boa.


What is a baby bee?

A little humbug.


Which is the only day you are safe in a cannibal village?

Sitterdays (when they eat the baby-sitter instead).


How did the witch almost lose her baby?

She didn't take it far enough into the woods.


What are baby witches called?

Halloweenies.


Why did the vampire baby stop having baby food?

He wanted something to get his teeth into.


Knock knock. Who's there?

Underwear. Underwear who?

Underwear my baby is tonight?


My new baby is the image of his father. Never mind. just so long as he's healthy.



airplane

Did you hear the one about...

News About Babies


Washington Post

Newest recall about to be announced ...Baby slings
Examiner.com
According to the Consumer Product Safety Commission, they are preparing to issue a warning about baby slings before the end of the week. ...
Most baby slings safe, says expertCANOE
Safety concerns over baby slingsMadeForMums
Safety warning coming on baby slingsBaltimore Sun (blog)
WMBF -Health24.com -KPHO Phoenix
all 374 news articles »


The Sun

Lindsay Lohan, eTrade Babies, and $100 Million
CNM News Network
Lindsay Lohan, eTrade Babies, and $100 Million. Actress Lindsey Lohan, aka LiLo, was a little ticked off about one particular Super Bowl ad. ...
Lindsay Lohan Sues E-Trade for $100M for Milkaholic BabySoftpedia
Lindsay Lohan says 'milkaholic' baby is in her imageBoston Herald
Mean Girls Babies Made Lohan CryGothamist
The Associated Press -KOLD-TV -hecklerspray
all 999 news articles »



New York Times

The Latest in Strollers? Mom and Dad
New York Times
“I love my babies,” she exhorts before banishing the stroller from her house and flying into a rage. “Why would I want to push them away from me? ...
Babies Have Literally Become an AccessoryNew York Magazine

all 3 news articles »


TopNews United States

Vaginal Birth After C-Section: Giving Women the Option
U.S. News & World Report (blog)
The discussion over delivering babies in this country has the feel of a pendulum swinging back and forth. Cesarean sections? ...
Natural birth safe after Caesarean: panelABC Online
Bringing Back VBAC: Good for Women and Babies?PR-USA.net (press release)
Are C-Sections Too Common?ABC News

all 304 news articles »

Google News



About Babies

Babies, all by themselves, are little bundles of joy. If you are near babies long enough, you will do some laughing... it is one of their survival skills along with being cute and cuddly.

There are many things to know about babies. For example, all babies are beautiful, which is very important to recall when your baby places 23rd in a baby contest.


baby-gender
Pick The Gender of Your Baby!


For new dads with twins, here is a tip: When your babies are still small, you may find it easiest to hold them both in the cradle position - that is, across your lap. But holding one in the cradle position and the other in the football position (nearly parallel with your side, with feet extended back, and face facing yours) often works best. And now you can tell you wife why watching all those football games was so valuable...

If you are travelling to Holland, don't confuse this food with real babies... Dutch babies are oven baked, puffed pancakes, very similar to Yorkshire pudding. They may also be called Bismarcks, or German Pancakes,

During the first four months of a baby's life, babies are primarily on the receiving end of language. During the next four months, though, babies begin to initiate and imitate sounds. So this gives new parents four months to learn not to curse!

The reality is that many babies are not quite so "perfect" (however much their parents think they are). Little scratches, sleep in the eyes, snotty noses, dried milk around the mouth, blotchy skin, birth marks and bumps, etc. are common for all babies... But they are still so "Cutesy-wootsy!"




immortality
Alex Chui's Immortality Rings






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