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Mad Magazine
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Apple Jokes Page: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 The desk sergeant answered the phone, and at once a woman began screaming. "You've got to help me! There's a giant gray thing in my yard, and it's pulling apples off the tree with its tail!" "What's he doing with the apples?" the sergeant asked. "If I told you," the woman cried, "you wouldn't believe me!" What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then! Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs! What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm! First apple: You look down in the dumps. What's eating you? Second apple: Worms, I think. What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple! The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. Two boys were eating a snack lunch in the school yard. One had an apple and the other said, "Watch out for worms won't you!" The first one replied, "Why should I? They can watch out for themselves." How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel. Fred came rushing in to his Dad. "Dad!" he puffed, "is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?" "That's what they say," said his Dad. "Well, give me an apple quick? I've just broken the doctor's window!" 
Apple Varieties |
About ApplesDifferent varieties of apples have been cultivated by growers for at least 2,000 years. About 2,500 different varieties are found in the United States.Apples do not grow true from seed. Take a seed from a Red Delicious Apple and plant it. Because the genetic material in the seed has been randomized, a completely new type of apple tree will grow from the seed - maybe a purple delicious or maybe a poison apple... Most likely, though, the new apple variety will be a sour one, best used for making hard cider. To maintain an apple variety, branches from one apple tree are grafted onto a new apple tree. This keeps the variety viable, making sure we have plenty of Fuji apples to eat... Apples are harvested when fully ripe. Kept at cool temperatures, apples can be stored for almost a year.
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